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Oh god, someone dive in and pull me to shore... Can't someone save me for a change? I fear I may be about to fall into the abyss -- and as soft and sweet I believe the plunge to be... Mmmm... Nevermind, giving in sometimes is just what the doctor ordered *grin*

Trouble never comes for me in threes -- rather, the numeric universe coughs up some binary looking Matrix sequence; which in the end, just equates to the amount of crap on my life's plate.

Needless to say it is anall-you-can-eat buffet and I truly have no desire to eat.



I work 10.5 hours a day on my feet doling out fake sentiments of customer service gratitude, taking verbal assaults from any random person for whatever issue their undergoing, the people higher on the proverbial totem-pole at work all happen to be two-shades off from seeming like prospects for a cult of some sort. The company wants us to all have picnics, walkathons,

basically incorporate our real lives with our work. Why? Because they blatantly shave away all of our waking moments and treat our own time as a bartering chip by making up these force-fed gatherings.



My relationship has hit rocks for the first time in over eight year and I find that am not as nearly upset as I would normally have been had it ben years ago. I think that part has me more bothered than actually having human emotions and becoming occasionally pissed at my fiance.It's like I want him to stub his toe or bite his tongue while he's chewing his food. I don't know. I love him with all my soul, but that is part of what makes me occasionally want to take glasses of freezing water and spalsh him while he is in the shower. I guess this is one of the turning points that happen in long relationships and everything start resembling the Twilight Zone.



I can gladly say m bouts of psychosis are now far and in-between. Apparently, I do not PMS, I just flat out believe that I am going to lose my mind, or everything in my life is just fucked to doom -- I beat myself up for the week in orer to survive the rest of my month. Umm, does that seem right on any level? Bloody fucking hell.



On to something brighter -- hmm, my financial debt is quite possibly five times bigger than my ass. My ego has shrunk to the size of an ants testicles and I've been clean and sober way too long! Oh, i still have writer's block and have still managed to become a muse for three friends to create some fantastic stuff. Sheesh, I am a fucking mess.



I need to take a trip somewhere. Id like to visit my sweet munchkin butt out in Arizona, but I have no desire to be some visiting burden. She has enough to do for herself without needing to feel like she needs to entertain laid-back me.



I'm disconnected but not. And I am finding a level of comfort in that. Something's got to switch gears. It's got to be more than this wedding and baby planning that seems more like occasional pillow-talk than an actual activity in the making.



I need something tangible. I feel like falling in love again -- I can't help it. I love falling in love. And YES! I am in love, right now. Still -- it's like heroin for me. All the new sharing and making new people feel special in new ways... *sigh* I a romantic whore.